Stone Cold
by tryingtobegood
Summary: Lexa let Clarke walk away Based on Demi Lovato's Stone Cold


She let her walk away.

No.

She pushed her away. Flung open the door and did everything to shove her through. Lexa never gave Clarke the chance to stay.

She wished she didn't understand. Wished she didn't know why the spot beside her in bed sat stone cold. Why she was dying on the floor attempting to fight alone. Why Clarke was gone.

But she knew.

Ending it was the only option. It had always been the only option. She was weak. Allowing Clarke to become her everything proved it. But she couldn't allow that weakness to destroy Clarke. Couldn't allow her nightmare to ruin Clarke's dreams. A clean break to shield Clarke from the demons threatening to darken her light.

Now, she stands staring at her phone as Clarke spins around the room. No matter the pain she couldn't let her brother down. She locked it away and swallowed the sword to watch Lincoln marry his everything.

A memory flashes in her mind.

 _"Let me in," Clarke's tear strained voice begged._

 _And all she got for her efforts was silence. Lexa stared at her unable to operate her lips. Unable to get the words from her mind to her tongue._

 _"Clarke," Lexa finally shattered through the glass with a whispered attempt to convey she was trying. But nothing more came and the silence continued screaming. She could endure the jagged shards pushing against her skin but couldn't risk inflicting the pain on to someone so pure._

 _Clarke shook her head. It wasn't enough. There was nothing left. After months of Lexa's pushing, Clarke turned away. So Lexa stood there stone cold._

* * *

There might as well have been a spotlight as Lexa watches Clarke dancing with her. Lexa could never give Clarke the joy radiating from her being. She looks down to ensure her feet are still firm on the floor. She'd been sure her legs failed her. But the pain was secure and she stands stone cold.

Clarke stares at another brunette as they dance. Lexa stares at the blank screen of her phone.

Lexa looks up to add more salt. Who knew the next time she could admire Clarke freely? Her golden waves bounce—perfectly messy. Lexa's heart begs for a glimpse at her favorite shade of blue. Her mind didn't think she could survive drowning in Clarke's eyes.

Clarke looks around the room. Lexa looks at her phone.

She feels the weight of a hand grasp her shoulder. She can't look yet. She doesn't need the understanding face she knows Lincoln will hold. Watching Clarke glide across the floor with her hand gripped in another's was like the first breath after being under too long. Lifesaving yet fire in her veins. She needed to solidify the memory.

"Thanks for coming, Lex." He gave up waiting for her to turn.

A moment passes and she nods, finally acknowledging him. "Only for you."

He smiles and envelopes her in a hug with a whispered, "You're too strong for your own good."

They pull apart and Lexa shoves him towards his new bride. His new bride talking to Clarke.

Their eyes lock.

Lexa can't even complain about the new crack prospecting its way through her heart as she gets to lose herself in blue. The blue she falls asleep to at night painted on the back of her eyelids. The blue that tints her nightmares. The blue the world never gets quite right except in her irises.

Clarke lifts her hand in small gesture of hello. Lexa knows she's been looking too long but she can't move. Clarke's eyes freeze her to the core. So instead Lexa stands stone cold.

Clarke shakes her head with a scoff like she expected the disappointment. She turns back to Octavia and her date. Finally released, a burn races wild through her and licks at the back of her eyes. She's stood stone cold too long. Her feet lead before her mind says a thing.

There's a hidden corner where Lexa slides to the floor. Her gasps come uneven and shallow grasping for any oxygen they can pull from the air. She can't get her eyes from her mind. Tears blur her vison and all she sees is the spark in Clarke's eyes. The spark that almost disappeared when they were together. She's happy. She's happy without Lexa. Relief floods her veins. Lexa'd laugh if she had enough breath in her lungs.

"Lexa?"

No.

Lexa knows the voice. Even after months of not hearing it, Lexa would never forget her voice. The one that pulled her from so many lost moments. The one she hears in her nightmares.

Lexa wishes she could look up. But Lexa's no longer standing stone cold.

"You're happy." It's all Lexa gets out. It's not a question but she needs to hear Clarke say it.

"I'm happy."

"She makes you happy?" This one is a question. Lexa can take the pain as long as Clarke's happy with her.

"Yes."

It's one word. One word which makes all the pain and tears worth it. Lexa can make it through if she knows her end meant happiness for Clarke.

Lexa looks up at her everything and puts what's left of her heart into a small lift of her lips as she declares, "I'm happy for you."


End file.
